Meet The Parasite

The LSH and I are proud to announce that we have created The Parasite. The Parasite will make his/her appearance in mid-June and the world will never be the same.

I've collected a few observations about this whole process thus far:

• No wonder The Baby Industrial Complex tells you to keep being pregnant a secret for your first trimester. All I would have said would have been a rotation of the following: OMFG why am I so tired; Whoa, holy wave on unexpected nausea; I need a nap; I wonder if there is a place to get frozen yogurt around here; Yawn, I'm so tired of being tired; and I can smell everything. 
• I gross myself out. I burp and fart on a very regular basis. I cleared out an entire gift shop last weekend.
• The LSH thought it would be a good idea to fry Spam for breakfast one day. It did not go well... like at all. It's a long story but I almost barfed in the washing machine. 
• Apparently, the LSH is allergic to the hormones I'm putting off - he has been itching like crazy. The doctor says this is more common than you'd think. 
• The Black Dog has become 1000% more protective of me. Either he's incredibly maternal for a male dog or he thinks that he's the baby daddy.
• The prenatal vitamins look like suppositories. There's no nice way around that. 
• The Baby Industrial Complex loves to try to scare the shit out of you and boss you around. If you eat that turkey sandwich your baby will die and it will be all your fault.   
• At 35, I'm ancient in reproductive terms and the prenatal nurse loved to say lovely things like "At your age..." or "for expectant mothers of advanced age like you..."
• People in maternity clothes stores have no sense of humor. The LSH and I were in A Pea in the Pod last weekend and I put the belly on before I came out of the dressing room, shocking the hell out of him. Of course I started rubbing my belly and doing a little dance around and we both started cracking up laughing. Either we aren't as funny as we thought we were, pregnant couples have no sense of humor, or maternity stores are places for serious business and not a place to goof off.  
• Just to bring things back to Sons of Anarchy, Tara and I are about a week apart. Apparently her boobie fairy didn't come during season 3.