The Awesome Saturday of Gemma's Sunglasses

So two awesome Sons of Anarchy related things happened on Saturday.  As all three of my loyal readers know, I've been bellyaching about Gemma's sunglasses for a long time now.  In fact, I even obsessed about it to tracking them down and blogging about it.  Well, an attentive reader pointed out that there was a similar pair at Target.   So guess where I drug the LSH on Saturday under the auspices of buying sunscreen for vacation?

And while that pair was certainly there, they were HUGE.  But there was another pair.  Squareish, gradient lenses with a brownish-purple cast to them.  Metal frames.  I swear to you, dear reader, I put them on and I heard a choir of angles singing This Life.  These would do.  They'd do until I could replenish the sunglasses fund to buy the real ones (Who knew car maintenance would turn out to be so fucking expensive?).  And basically, I'm lurking on BlueFly every damn day waiting for them to appear so I can get them at a somewhat reasonable price.


Speaking of price, I paid a whopping $16.99 plus tax for them.  Astounding, no?  I mean, the economy is in the shitter right now and it seems a little foolish to spend $400 on a pair of sunglasses.

A side view.  Nice, no?  Although, I must admit it took me A WHILE to find a pair that wasn't bent to shit because apparently it's totes okay to let your kids play with the sunglasses while you shop for socks. Yes, blonde lady in sweatpants and uncombed hair, I'm talking about you and your two little hellions.

Finally, there is one last bit that I am not too wild about: the side arms/legs.  The thickness just suggests glasses worn by a certain Former Governor of Alaska.  I'm not crazy about it but I'll live with it.  

So as soon as the LSH and I got to the car, I gingerly took off the price tag, madly polished them up and put them on.  This was our exchange:


LSH:  What are you twelve?  Couldn't you wait until we got home?
Me:  Nope (with a grin)
LSH:  Why do those look familiar?  I feel like I've seen them before.
Me:  Oh, you have.  Or at least something similar.
LSH: ......
Me:  They are knock offs of Gemma's sunglasses!  Aren't they great?
LSH:  Ohmyfuckinggod.  You are a crazy fangirl.
Me: Yes, but now I'm a crazy fangirl with Gemma's sunglasses. (puts them on)
LSH:  Let me see.  (pause)  Those are ridiculous.  Huge.  You look like an insect.
Me:  But Gemma doesn't look like an insect.
LSH:  (silently shakes head)


So off we go to rent some movies for the weekend.  And lookie what Blockbuster finally had in stock:

It was as if the Sons of Anarchy gods were smiling down upon me.  Some local asshole has had Green Street Hooligans out for like the last six fucking months. At the checkout the little fascist behind the counter wanted to charge us a $2.50 restocking fee because someone didn't return Whip It on time.  Yes, it was me.  The LSH would never, ever rent that.  I admit it.  I don't know what came over me but I went all Gemma on her ass.  The exchange was: 

Clerk:  Your account shows you owe a $2.50 restocking fee for Whip It

Me:  What?  No, we don't.  

Clerk:  Since you didn't return in within 10 days of rental we automatically consider it a sale and not a rental

Me:  (stoic) We just brought it back.

LSH:  (whispering) Easy, tiger

Clerk:  Since you technically bought it, when you bring it back we have to charge to restock it.

Me:  I didn't technically buy anything.  I rented a movie and brought it back.  Regardless of when I brought it back you'd have to put it back on the shelf anyways, right?  

LSH:  (silently stepping on my foot)

Clerk:  Yeah, I guess.  

Me:   So, I don't owe you a $2.50 restocking fee.  

Clerk:  Uh, okay.  I'll take that off your account.    

Me:  Thanks.  I'm glad we could see eye-to-eye on that

    

On the way to the car the LSH said, "What the hell got into you?"  I replied, "Must have been Gemma's sunglasses."

Oh, and Green Street Hooligans was excellent.  

Desperately Seeking Gemma's Sunglasses

While I'm working on the recap for Balm because it is taking me longer than I thought and damn it I'm buried in RL work, here's a little bit to tide us over.  I've been saving this item (among others) for a special SAMCRO holiday wish list blog but I figured there is no time like the present.  As I've mentioned before I want Gemma's sunglasses.  In fact, I covet them.  The rectangular shape, the metal frames, the gradient lenses.  Want.  Want. Want.  And behold after a rainy Saturday spent online window shopping, here they are in all their glory (right).  These are by Oliver Peoples, called the Elise sunglasses.  Available at Shop Bop and Neiman Marcus.


If the $350 price tag makes you pause  (As I'm sure Mr. Kayteadee will when he gets my Christmas shopping list this year.  Whether I get them or not, entirely depends on whether I've been naughty or nice this year.   Or both) there are some options that will get you a similar look for less cash. There is a great pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses (left) at Nordstrom for $98

And, last but not least a pair of Gucci sunglasses (right) at Neiman Marcus for $295


I think any three of these would make you or your lady feel a little more badass cruising around town.  Open heart surgery scar optional.

Sons of Anarchy 2.06 Falx Cerebri Recap

So previously on As the Harley Rumbles, SAMCRO was under attack by the Principal Zobelle and his menacing band of aging punk rock gods white supremacists.  As the title alludes, Falx Cerebri was all about divisions, or if I want to get high cotton about my take on it, the cleavages amongst our pals in Charming and the alliances they make. 

The tension between Clay and Jax continues to build throughout the episode.  With Piney conveniently/inconveniently away on a 4-day bender, Chibs in serious condition with a subdural hematoma, and Opie bitchfacing Jax (again) to back down and get in line, Jax is largely on his own in the MC.   Although, that isn’t an entirely fair statement – Jax also chooses to work on things from his end in what he perceives as his interest in protecting the club.  The obvious alliance is Clay, Unser, and it appears most of the members of the MC are hell-bent on spilling Zobelle’s pristine blood, although not in Charming.  So too is the alliance between Jax and Hale, although the extent to which Hale goes all in is astounding.  When Hale began to threaten his arm with a piece of glass in Impeccable Smokes to get Polly to cooperate, I was applauding.

Basically, this whole set of alliances that are set up around the Jax and Clay story line make me feel like Kurt Sutter is beating me over the head with a copy of Hamlet are based on an untenable either-or proposition.  Either the MC strikes, reacts, and goes for the jugular OR it sits back, looks at the chess board, and contemplates its navel lint.  As we see how Zobelle’s manipulation of SAMCRO’s raid on the Aryan membership drive dinner of the faithful plays out, it's pretty clear that neither of these approaches are working well.  Oh, and AJ Weston’s  Henry Rollins’ kid scares the shit out of me. 

Meanwhile, over in the girl’s bathroom, Gemma and Tara are working on an alliance of their own, courtesy of Smith & Wesson, some porn posters, and Ima’s sensible, 4-door, suburban mom Lexus.  By far, this was the most lol-larious scene of the episode.  These women enjoyed taking on some frustrations with firearms and it was a helluva lot of fun to watch.  I’m about as straight of a white girl as you can get, but even I thought Gemma teaching Tara to shoot was hot – I can’t imagine what that scene did for the boys in the viewing audience.  Anyways.  Back to the story.  Gemma, in spite of wanting to cut Hale and Unser’s big soft hearts out if they ever mention the verboten gang rape of yore, allies with our boys in brown:  Unser consoles her feelings of guilt; Gemma helps Hale with an ID on Polly.   There is also a gang-of-two alliance between Gemma and Jax that we see glimmers of after the explosion when Jax blows past Tara and is consoled by Gemma.  

_{(And I’d totally write more about the Jax and Gemma gang-of-two if it didn’t take me so long to recap a single freaking episode.  Also, another thing I'd love to write more about:  Dead Daddy John Teller's Burnt Book of Biker Wisdom.)} 

            And, is it just me or do Tara and Jax (Note to the wardrobe department:  please, just trim those split ends and tidy up Jax’s beard.  I’m so over the Jax looking like Jesus and/or Kurt Cobain ) seem to be very tenuously allied with each other or, for that matter, anyone in particular outside of Gemma and Hale?  

WTF Moment:  Oh.  Hai.  IRA guys.  Are you now in business with Zobelle?  Guess you guys really are in it all for the cause.

Second Runner Up:   Happy’s enthusiasm for beheading Zobelle in broad daylight.  Sheesh…this guy makes Tig look like a saint. 

Action Moment:  I know you are expecting me to say the raid but nope, nope, nope.  It is the faux failing breaks meets Unser and Hale’s Big Gulp of radioactive diet-cola flavored piss coming.  Love it.   

Get Over Yourself Moment:  This week’s award goes to Tara (hell, at least it wasn’t Opie AGAIN).  Usually, I reserve this part for scenes where I just have to roll my eyes at characters that do something implausible or annoyingly lacking self-awareness.  This week Tara was totally lacking self-awareness but in an incredibly satisfying character development/internal conflict sort of way. 

Tara’s jealousy gets the better of her when Gemma is more supportive/comforting to Jax after the bombing.  Tara’s green-eyed monster really shows through when she suggests that Gemma is to blame for the explosion.  And then later at the Old Lady’s Gun Show, Tara who was so concerned with things being normal downright relishes in threatening Ima with her .38 and then shooting up the girl’s car.  The tension in Tara, how much of the MC to let in, what is normal, and how she wrestles with it is so well written and even better played by Maggie Siff .  None of these characters are perfect.  All of them are flawed.   And we are starting to see more of these flaws play out as Tara’s character develops. 

Sons of Anarchy 2.05 Smite Recap

For fun and edification, let’s start the recap with the definition of smite which means to “to strike heavily or strongly with the hand or an implement held in the hand.”  There is a lot of smiting going on in this episode but in a nutshell: Gemma smites Tara, with much hilarity; in a massive, gratifying two-for Unser smites Hale and Boy Scout Hale in turn smites the enemies of Charming.  Jax smites Clay at the vote; and Principal Zobelle smites SAMCRO. 

After an awkward, passive aggressive, knowing exchange between Jax and Gemma about the whereabouts of a box that contained funky underwear and Dead Daddy John Teller’s Burnt Book of Biker Wisdom about the vision for outlaw motorcycle clubs, the ladies are off to town to get Gemma some hormones to fix her Mojave problem.  Gemma does the girlrun in FMBs to chase after the pert blonde that kidnapped her. When she loses the girl to Henry Rollins, she accidentally clocks Tara in the nose.  Breaking it.  I don’t know if I have a sick sense of humor or if this was just unintentionally funny but I laughed.  Hard.  Back to the show:  Tara blackmails Gemma to see a shrink (which she bails on, of course) and the they are warm and fuzzy about as much as these two bitches can possibly get.   Oh, and I totally want Gemma’s sunglasses.    

Boy Scout Deputy Chief Hale is left between a rock and hard place after Principal Zobelle visits him with footage of Opie torching Darby’s meth lab and Hale taking a bribe of a $150 gift certificate for cigars.  Jax, followed by Unser are hot on their heels.  The scene between Unser and Hale is probably one of the best of the season so far.  Unser tells Hale that he picked him because he knew Hale would do the right thing for Charming.  And, before Hale can get too comfortable with Principal Zobelle, Unser lets him on the big bad gang rape secret so Hale can come to his own conclusions.  So, the way I see it, Unser smote Hale with information.  How so unlike on of the major themes of Hamlet, which is sooo not about information, knowledge, and truth.   This whole exchange made me believe in the spoiler that the someone that we know and love would die in this season would be Unser.  But alas, it won’t be him. 

In turn, Hale lets the Jets and the Sharks go with a warning.  Your smite two-for comes when he stops Clay and Jax, telling them about Zobell’s surveillance, evidence of Opie torching the meth lab, and, most interestingly Hale sells out his brother’s eminent domain land scam.   I would argue that all of these, at least in Hale’s mind represent threats to Charming.    It isn’t that Hale likes SAMCRO, it’s that he perceives a group that gang rapes women and cooks meth for short-term gain or another group seeks to sell off portions of land to greedy developers for a quick buck as enemies of his town.  Good on Hale.   All of this makes him an incredibly interesting character because it is hard to reconcile the fact that he overlooked Darby’s meth lab with his new-found moral code.  I suspect it will be resolved in the long run and I’m interested to see where Hale goes.   

So our predictable major smiting comes from Jax at Church.  There are undercurrents of politicking and allegiances being set throughout the episode.  Both Jax and Clay consider Juice to be the swing vote.  Boy, were they wrong.  Basically, it breaks down as you would expect – Clay wants revenge NOW MOTHEFUCKER and Jax wants revenge that isn’t “half blind” by gathering more intel.  Bobby Elvis turns out to be the deciding vote because he had some convenient off screen time with Piney who told him about how he gave John Teller’s Big Book of Biker Wisdom to Jax.   Tig, Opie/Bitchface, Juice, and Clay all vote for revenge now motherfuckers.  Chibs, Piney, Bobby Elivs, and Jax all want to be “smart” about it.    Bobby Elvis later tells Clay that if he wants blind action, he should go to Tig but if he wants the truth, Clay should come to him.  INSERT OBVIOUS TRUTHY HAMLET REFERNCE HERE . 

I love Bobby Elvis but he is now at the top of my list of characters that won’t make it to see season 3.  He is hiding Luanne’s skim operation, he dares to subvert what Clay considers the best interest of the MC, and he is truly a likeable character.  Shall I go on?

The obvious and less than subtle smite award goes to Principal Zobelle (who apparently is Per Blonde's father) and his team of gang raping white separatists who take out Otto’s eye and leave a car bomb at Teller Morrow (Noooooooooo  not Chibs!  I love him!   Damn you cliffhanger!) so that all of SAMCRO can feel his wrath. 

Action Moment:  There were a few contenders for this during Smite.  The Charming Rumble on Main Street, replete with Jax doing a 180 switch from, hey street fights aren’t the answer to this to a HOSHIT YOU DIDN’T JUST DO THAT TO MY BIKE HENRY ROLLINS beat down was good but problematic for two reasons: (1) it was just a little too Sharks v Jets for my taste and (2) does anyone actually believe that Jax Teller could take Henry Rollins’ character?  No?  I didn’t think so either. 

The explosion of the Aryan Aerostar of Death at Teller-Morrow was good, but a little expected. That’s why this week’s best action moment was when Otto got jumped in prison.  Otto nobly fought back but to no avail since it was a 3 on 1 fight.  And the squirm-inducing broom handle to the eye was an uncomfortably brutal yet perfect set up for the rest of the episode.  Kurt Sutter, you are one sick puppy and I love you for it because you make brilliant television shows. 

Get Over Yourself Moment:  This week we have Tara to blame thank for the GOY scene in Smite.  Tara worries that something bad is going to happen to Able AKA The Kid, to her, and to Jax who is still pretty but needs to shave that beard before he starts looking even more like Jesus, the martyr for everyone’s sins. Oh Tara, you are an incredible buzzkill with your concerns about normality and Shakespearean tragedy foreshadowing.  Jax breaks out Dead Daddy’s Book of Biker Wisdom and all is totes okay.     

WTF Moment:  Um, Opie and the crack-smoking-porn-queen-that-drives-a-Prius.  Hey, it might be a bit early but that bike restoration project might not keep him warm enough at night.  If it helps him get is balls back, I’m all for it.

Character I don’t know whether I should pay attention to:  Bitchface hospital administrator with the glasses who thinks that Jax is beating Tara.  Either she is going to go away or Tara is going into private practice.  I'm just sayin'