Sons of Anarchy 2.02 Small Tears Recap

In my continuing efforts to recap the beginning of Season 2 before they expire in my on demand queue, here is the recap for Small Tears.  Only one more episode until I am up-to-date.  Yay!  

So, Small Tears opens up with Katy Seagal signing a beautiful cover of Ruby Tuesday.  (Really, this song is brilliant, haunting, and lovely.  Go buy it.  Like now.  Wait.  After some research, no, you can’t buy it yet.  The people who run Glee need to teach the people who run SOA a few things about music merchandising.)  Unser, thanks to an anonymous tip finds Gemma beat to hell, Tara arrives on scene and through a not-so-elaborate cover up, they engineer a car wreck and more medical tests for Able (AKA The Kid) to keep what Zobelle’s henchmen did from Clay and Jax.  And well, everyone else in Charming.  Neeta, the nanny, who has ruined any fantasies Clay might have had, is keen to what is going on and will be asking Gemma questions about it later (Note from the future:  still waiting on this, Neeta and btw, where have you been?  I liked what little I saw of Neeta.  She is like a fabulous earth mother.)

So this is The Big Bad.  Or should I say, Another Big Bad.  There is some dimension of secret-keeping for all of our characters in Charming:  Tara and Jax killing Psycho Ex-boyfriend Agent Kohn, Clay and Tig kill Donna while Jax and Piney are in on keeping it a secret, and now Gemma, Tara, and Unser hide up Gemma’s rape.    

Meawhile, back at Teller-Morrow, the boys unbeknownst to what is going on with the matriarch, are stirring after Bobby’s welcome home party.  Tig is asleep on the bar with a woman in what I would call, a um mutually convenient position.  He gets a phone call, flips the girl off of him, but not without telling her that he loves her.  And I’m sure he does.  In whatever way Tig can love a live human being.  Anyways.  Trouble is brewing between the Mayans and the Niners (yeah, thanks for the Jax); Clay makes things worse of course by continuing to play the two off of each other in a gun deal.  Here’s how it goes down:

Mayans:          Hey, Clay.  A Niner killed one of our guys in our terrirotry and then posed his body holding up nine fingers.  You know anything about that? And, btw, we’ll be needing some of those guns you promised to sell us. 

Clay:               Oh Hai!  Nope don’t know anything about that.  A-w-k-a-r-d.  Um, nope can’t help you on the gun thing, we’re fresh out.

Meanwhile, Clay hangs up.  Curses Jax for his brilliant thinking, and then calls the Niners.

Clay:               Hey, Niners guy.  Leroy.  Problems are coming your way (no thanks to my impulsive, ingrate stepson).  Want some guns? 

The tension between Jax and Clay continues to mount. (Note from the future:  I wonder how this little warning from Clay is going to play out.  “Whatever you may think, the truth is that everything I do is to protect what we’ve got.  It’s never arbitrary and never reactive.”  Mmmmmkay.  Let’s see how THAT plays out around epsidoe 6.)

Meanwhile-meanwhile Jax is dispatched to talk to Otto in prison and Opie and Tig (in an extremely odd, yet fascinating bonding moment discussing Donna’s death and Opie’s not-prison dreams and Tig shares how he laid his bike down killing an old lady that he loved who also happened to be preggers) get the guns ready for the Niners. Needless to say, the gun deal goes very badly.  The Mayans roll up and ambush SAMCRO and the Niners.  Oh, and Opie goes all commando shooting shit up as if he were bullet proof.

            And this is just a side note but I have been wondering, really, how many guns can a gang really need?  I mean, SAMCRO has been selling guns to the Niners on a seemingly exclusive basis for a season and a half now.  How many AKs does a gang need?  Like do they ever get to the point where they are stocked up and don’t need any more? 

As a result of Jax’s little sit down with Otto, he convinces SAMCRO to get into the porn business by helping out Otto’s old lady Luanne. Luanne has been raided by the ATF (thanks to Otto’s message sending abilities) and nearly stripped of her “talent” by her competitor.   This guy .  Yeah him. Brilliant casting. Anyways, after two visits by our boys in blue and black and Jax having to tell Luanne who’s boss, it appears that Georgie indeed does not want to be done by Canseco so he leaves it alone.  I’m sure Bobby Elvis blowing chunks helped move that decision forward.    

The members of the MC unanimously (shocker, I know) vote to get into the porn business.  Plus it has the added bonus of getting Bobby Elvis laid, or so they say in church.  And darlin’ just wait until the next episode.   And hey, they even have Caracara to house their newest entrepreneurial endeavor.   Jax even meets Luanne there and while she is frightened and confused because she doesn’t know yet that she has a new partner, Jax promises not to Aidrianna her. Yeah, I know.

Wrapping up at Planet Whitey, Principal Zobelle assures Henry Rollins that the Big Bad will eventually get to Gemma, all will come out, and it will unravel the MC.  Oh, and also the Mayans are BFFs with Zobelle.  Yeah.  I’m scratching my head on that one too.  And lest we forget, Darby is cooking meth. 

Sons of Anarchy 2.01 Albification Recap

Season two kicks off with a roll call montage of our favorite Danish royalty and their courtiers:  Jax, Clay, Tig, Juice, Chibs, and Half-Sack are at the firing range; Opie’s heading back from a solo ride; Tara’s performing baby surgery; Bobby Elivs is about to get out of jail; Piney is dropping off Opie’s kids at school in a big fat Caddie; Gemma and Able are coming in for a check up; Chief Unser is praying. 

SAMCRO is between a rock and hard place in the gun trade.  The IRA gun rep wants the MC to run guns up the coast.  Um, yeah, this is a problem because this isn’t what SAMCRO does.  But they don’t want to lose their gun connection and the IRA needs money for the cause.  Jax proves a good little negotiator coming up with a short-term fix.  Long-term problems linger – who are they going to deal to?   Clay calls a vote, they all agree and now the SOA are now gunrunners for the cash and Russian stock.  This won’t be fraught with problems down later in the season, I’m sure of it! 

Jax goes to collect Opie, greets disappointed, fat Mary.  SadAngry Opie has an old bike to rebuild so he’ll stay warm at night.  Opie hasn’t seen his kids yet and Jax urges him to do so before they head off to Castle Elsinore.  Horatio Opie says mind your own business, mmmmkay?  At Teller-Morrow, Clay proclaims how everyone loved Donna but we need revenge for Opie’s sake just not revenge for the actual person who pulled the trigger, yes I’m talking about you Tig and Clay.  So rather than address the long-term gun running conundrum, Clay leads SAMCRO into an undeserved revenge scheme on a Mayan.  After church breaks up Jax raises the Donna issue and taunts Clay, with a ‘what are you going to do, pop a cap in me, the Prince of Charming? ‘

Meanwhile at the Charming coffee shop, Deputy Chief Boy Scout Hale meets with his brother, someone who looks like my high school principal, and Henry Rollins.  Brother Hale wants to acquire land for residential development.  HOSHIT, and he wants help from Ethan “the HS Principal” Zobelle who also happens to be the head honcho in the white separatist movement.  Apparently this is different from supremacists but hey, you call it a tom-hay-to and I call it a tom-ahh-to. I can’t see a fucking difference.  Principal Zobelle and his muscle Hank want support from law enforcement to squash SAMCRO.  Deputy Chief Boy Scout is rightly skeeved out, wants nothing to do with it and leaves.  Also at some point in the episode, Henry Rollins talks to Darby about cooking meth in Charming and gives him a little talk about how he hasn’t earned his swastika tattoos and should keep things buttoned up – Darby doesn’t appreciate this bit of foreshadowing.     

(Yes, I realize that this is long but it is the season premier.  There are new characters and new loose ends.  Stick with me)

So Opie, Tig, Chibs, and Jax head out to get their revenge by killing a Mayan that Opie is led to believe is responsible for Donna’s murder.  They track the guy down; an ever-resourceful Tig shoots the guy in the mouth so he’ll stop talking/denying.  Opie wants to go old school medieval on the Mayan’s ass so that he has no doubt but seems okay with just shooting the guy in the head.  Jax disposes of the body by emptying his clip into the poor SOB’s abdomen to cover up the giant A Opie carved post-mortem and duping the body in Mayan territory with nine fingers showing.  Thus, assigning blame to the One-Niners.  Brilliant plan, handsome. 

While all of this is going on Queen Gerturde Gemma takes little Able, or as Jax affectionately refers to his son, the kid, to the hospital to see Dr. Tara for a check up.  The kid is healthy.  Gemma gives Tara shit about sleeping over.   And, I didn’t know this but apparently babies have sleep apnea?  I thought that only happened to middle aged suburban men.  Hmm.  Guess you learn something new every day.  So Gemma sparks a j with Chief Unser outside the hospital with the kid in tow.  The Chief imbibes because his cancer is contained to his bladder and you know, it’s totes ok.

Back at the garage, Bobby is released and is enjoying himself thoroughly (I’ll let you fill in the visuals on that one).  Clay gives the requisite misogynistic stripper pole taunt to Psycho ATF Bitch who returns the quip because really, she is just as much of a misogynist.  SAMCRO knows how to throw a party – except for petulant Jax who doesn’t return the toast to Clay.   Piney tells Opie to man up and that is the end of that.   Principal Zobelle shows up to piss all over Clay’s boots, drop off since fine stogies, and heads back to his white separatist McMansion somewhere in the burbs. 

Jax heads home to greet Ophelia Tara.  She gives him the total disclosure talk, ruining a perfectly good nekkid shower scene.  Jax tells her (part of) the truth.  They spoon.  Love the man, learn to love the club, darlin’

Meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile Gemma gets kidnapped by a woman with very pert blond hair who says her kid is choking on a bottle cap.  A bottle cap?  Anyways.  Gemma wakes up handcuffed to a chain link fence in some dirty industrial building whereupon she gets beaten and gang raped by the white separatists.   (One of which has an upside down peace symbol tattooed at the base of his neck.  See, I told you there would be tattoo foreshadowing).  The scene was horrific.  Katey Sagal deserves an Emmy for this.  I can’t write any more about it because it was just that awful 

WTF Moment:  When Gemma gives Tara big wet kiss on the lips. Like she does Jax.  And Clay. 

Action Moment:  The chase scene when the SOA track dow the Mayan.  Really, it was the only action scene in the whole episode

Get Over Yourself Moment:  Half-Sack interrupting Clay and Gemma. Doing the deed.  Gemma says “Get out or join in, sparky.”  Oh, only in Half-Sacks one-balled wet dreams.  He totally has to get over his MILF obsession with Gemma.

Sons of Anarchy 2.04 Eureka Recap

So we open with Gemma helping Clay inject cortisone into his hands before the charity run.  While not making eye contact with Gemma, Clay talks about how the time away (An overnight trip?  Seriously?) might help Gemma get past whatever this is (SHE WAS GANG RAPED, KING CLUELESS).  Gemma gives a noncommittal ‘Perhaps’ and off goes King Clay.   Meanwhile, over at the Prince of Charming’s house… Jax who is incredibly easy on the eyes, keep up the good work sparky drops the L bomb on Tara, flashes his pearly whites and then…  wait for it…  goes to take care of his own kid.  I can’t tell if Tara is more surprised that it took Jax this many episodes to tell her that he loves her unprompted, the realization that she is Jax’s old lady, or if she is finally relieved from being the night time nanny.

The MC assembles at Teller-Morrow to depart for the charity/gun run.  Angry Opie tells Jax that his kids are just fine, thank you very much and now mind your own fucking business.  Piney stays home to man Castle Elsinore the garage, but per Clay’s instructions should mind the cars and not Gemma.  

And now for the scene of jocular, vulgar, hilarious banter amongst the members of the MC.  I have to hand it to the writers – how they manage an assless chaps joke and Neuticle joke in the same exchange is pure genius.   (And seriously, Neuticle seems to be a brand name of a company that makes testicular implants for pets that have been neutered.  So, I guess poor Half-Sack has that going for him)  Bravo.  It is moments like this that make me love these characters.  So off they go to save the children.  And, btw, thanks Happy.  Nothing says charity like firing off your Gloc before the crew heads out. 

And alas, cue the motorcycle porn as the MC rumbles out of town and hits the highway.   The whole scene is so badass. (Note to the writers: this is a motorcycle show, isn’t it?  Can we see a bit more of the Harley porn, please?).  The SOA picks up their handguns from the IRA guy.  Oh hi, IRA guy, hey, how’s your ass now that Juice’s finger isn’t keeping you from bleeding out? And we’re back to the Harley porn – thank God.  Wait. Not so fast.   Bobby Elivs’ fat boy bites the dust, taking out Tig.  All I can say is, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.  So Tig is rescued from the evils of HMO limbo by bounty hunters.  Apparently Tig got a little too friendly with the cargo on a livestock transport in Oregon.  I just want to know what sort of livestock – cows, pigs, sheep, chickens?       

Back in Charming, Gemma gets the no-face mask of gang rape in the mail and heads to town to fuck up some shit.  Zobelle gives her his menacing evil yet pleasant bitchface and she runs back to the car to wave her pretty gun at a pushy redneck who wants her parking space.  Chief Unser comes to take her gun away and Gemma takes off in pursuit of Henry Rollins (yes, he has a character name but does anyone know what it is, really?  Yeah, you don’t either– exactly what I thought.).  Gemma tracks Henry Rollins down to the cleanest set of port-a-pots ever to grace the planet, gets him in her sights and then loses the nerve to fire because he has a family. Damnit.  At this point, I’m really missing Season 1 Gemma.  Darlin’ you need to get your ass-kicking mojo back. 

So Clay and Jax fight over whether, when, how, and how many guys it will take to rescue Tig.  Jax, a modern day John Adams, implores King Claudius Clay to call the vote.  Ah, but dear Jax, the MC isn’t ruled by democracy, it seems to be ruled by Clay’s brittle, arthritic iron fists until he is humiliated by his weak hands and lays his bike down before he can get off the lot.  Half-Sack comes correct with the intel on Tig’s whereabouts.  Piney rolls up with the flatbed and before Jax and Clay can fight (again), Piney rolls off with Jax, Chibs, Smiley, and Half-Sack to go liberate Tig.  And this scene is why I love Piney – he might ride a trike, but he’s still up for some good outlaw mayhem. 

The SOA rides off to relay the guns (yeah, remember those).  Piney and Tig drive off into the sunset sharing a bottle of Patron with two straws because germs are icky, ya’ll.   At the biker camp, the crew is celebrating.  Except for Jax who is angsting with his knock-off bottle of Jack Daniels.  Here comes yet another Jax/Clay confrontation that ends in Clay threatening to kill Hamlet Jax if he ever brings up the Donna debacle again.  Ah, good family times. 

The WTF moment for Eureka:  Opie.  Seiously.  Opie is now going all bitchface on Jax and telling Clay that he is with him no matter what?  Seriously?   If you only knew the half of it, darlin’.   

Best action moment:  Well, that would be Piney backing the flat bed into the motel, the look on Tig's face as he sees it coming, and then the balls-out rescue scene.     

The get over yourself moment:  Tara asking Chief Unser what he makes of her relationship with Jax.  Seriously?  She needs validation from the corrupt cop?