The Questionnaire: Opie Winston

Next up in the series of Sons of Anarchy characters meet the Inside the Actors Studio questionnaire:  Harry Winston.  No, not that Harry Winston, but Harry "Opie" Winston.   Now, away we go with Opie after the jump!

Sons of Anarchy 2.11 Service Recap

Uh…  Greetings new readers!  After the Twitter Incident Of Which We Will Not Speak, I have some newfound performance anxiety so I’m going to imagine that you all are in your underwear like my mom told me to do at my 4^th grade tap recital.  I still fucked up my shuffle-ball-change, bringing a hasty and merciful end to my career as a tap dancer.  So, for all of our sakes, let’s hope this recap at least goes better than that.

So previously on As the Harley Rumbles, Gemma revealed her big secret, Opie took off his stinky hat and got some, Chibs was released from the hospital and reunited with those friendly IRA guys, and Jax didn’t go Nomad.  Service opens up right where we left off with Jax sewing his patches back on (Has anyone ever tried to sew leather?  I have and it is quite difficult).  In my mind, Service was all about our favorite characters hugging it out.  Outlaw bikers = HUGS NOT THUGS.   That may be a bit over the top but not by much.  We saw SAMCRO and associates in service to each other (yes, I know that sounds dirty) and the result was bringing the MC together again. 

At Church, the boys in SAMCRO resist the urge to cut the still beating hearts out of Principal Zobelle and crew in favor of being a bit smarter about serving up revenge.  In this whole exchange we get a glimmer of how the MC should work when Clay and Jax are on the same page and SAMCRO is in once piece.  And it is brilliant.  Under those best-case scenario circumstances, you can totally see why all these guy would pledge themselves to the club.  The tragedy of Sons of Anarchy is that we are given these glimpses of how well the MC can work together but we all know that this harmony isn’t going to last for long.

 While the MC is strong and unified, Gemma is now completely unraveled after revealing that she was raped.  I don’t blame her.  I’d probably be smoking a joint in yesterday’s clothes and having almost-sex with Tig too.  WAIT.  WHAT.  Oh right, because when you put two wounded, unhinged people together that kind of makes sense in a sick/hurt/lonely way.  They stop things before it gets any more cringe-worthy but it causes Gemma and Tig to do some pretty fascinating things to deal with their hurt.  Gemma shares a smoke in a churchyard with a reformed junkie priest contemplating going to a woe-is-me-circle-jerk. 

In a somewhat less reflective but more penitent way, Tig decides it’s time.  Time to tell Opie.  Thank, God because he shot Donna like 12 episodes ago.  When Opie listens to Tig asking questions about the night Donna was killed, we see a wave of realization cross his face and it ain’t a warm happy look.  Tig lets Opie beat the shit out of him who are you and what have you done with my favorite sociopath? And I can’t help thinking that those rings have got to hurt.  Tig puts it all on ATF Bitch and once the fight is broke up, off Opie goes to kill her ass or just scare her.  Meanwhile, all the members of the MC look at Clay with deserved disgust.   

   So Opie and Agent Bitchface.  Is it any surprise that Opie showed her more mercy than she deserved?  Time and time again, we have seen her manipulate people, using the vulnerabilities of their families as leverage.  All of this while using her ATF windbreaker to insulate her from the consequences.  Josef Mengela could have taught this woman something about ethics and she’d be a better human being.  If she were in a gang, she would have been dead, dead, dead a long time ago.  (Btw, this scene was so well performed by Ryan Hurst and Ally Walker.)

Meanwhile, once Opie gets cleaned up, he and Jax hug it out after realizing that they are responsible for Clay’s skewed approach to running the club —and they will be his undoing paging season 3.  Jax gives Opie Dead Daddy Teller’s Burnt Book of Biker Wisdom. And Opie reads it.  Without the hat of dirty scalp stank.  

Somewhere in all of this mix, Tara has diarrhea of the mouth and blurts out:  IGOTSUSPENED—IMSOONOTINTOYOUSCREWINGOTHERGIRLSONTHESIDE—WHEREISTHISGOING—IWANTTOGETMARRIED—ANDIWANTBABIES—BAAAABBIIIEEESSS!   And then Jax and Tara hug it out.  I really have to hand it to the writers on this.  They nailed us ladies.  Or at least some of us.  We get emotionally overwhelmed and it all comes out in one long, gasping, poorly-timed, uncomfortable declaration. 

Oh, and Tara fixes Tig's face while Tig slimily charms her about the scuffle with a brother.  (Welcome back, you creepy fuck.   I’ve missed you.)  While Tig is cleaning himself up, Half-Sack drops trou before Tara can protest, revealing his horrifically infected testicles (mark my words, if SOA was HBO we would have seen it).  Holy Mary, Mother of Ball.  I guess it was all that bacteria in the Healing Mud Bath that made it coarm.  Something tells me that Sack will be Half-Sack yet again. Let’s just hope he doesn’t become No-Sack. 

We wrap up with Chibs doing the right thing and coming clean about his deal-gone-wrong with ATF Bitch.  I watched the scene with Gemma and Chibs like 5 times.  It was just that good.  Under Opie’s withering glare, Clay absolves Chibs and resolves that SAMCRO will protect him and his family.  Opie is going to stick around because even though the club killed his wife but really wanted to kill him wtf is this not even going to be addressed he is going to make sure they make it right starting with Chibs and Piney.

 

Remainders

• Um.  Where are Chucky and Darby?  I mean, I think that Zobelle and crew know why they haven’t seen Darby but none of the Sons have asked about Chucky.
• Amazed and shocked that Clay recognizes that he can't deliver retaliation without Jax.
  
• I’m not quite ready yet to declare Piney out of the suicide woods.  I wonder if that whole shoot-em-up was really more of an attempt at a suicide by cop biker.  
• I didn’t even get to Unser turning Hale into Acting Chief or Principal Zobelle’s master plan.

Note on the Tig photo above.  I got it from ONTD but I can't figure out how to give the right person credit for it.  If someone knows, or could put me in touch with the ONTD/SAMCRO people I would very much like to provide attribution.

Sons of Anarchy 2.10 Balm Recap

(Note to self for future reference:  DO NOT, under any circumstances watch Glee before writing a recap ever again.  It makes you too fucking happy to snark).        

Previously on As the Harley Rumbles , our favorite residents of Charming were laying down their burdens—whether it was a gang rape, an ongoing MC power struggle, or remorse/guilt over the death of an old lady.  With those burdens set aside, Balm begins a healing for SAMCRO:  for Gemma, for Clay and Jax, for Opie, for Half-Sack, and perhaps for Tig.  Chibs—not so much.   And can I just say, how much I love Sons of Anarchy?  Every episode is fantastic because none of them fell like a throwaway.   Unlike another show I fangirl watch on HBO where there seem to be one or two throwaways per season.  Anyways….

So we open with Jax deciding to go nomad and telling no one aside from the members of the MC.  I suspect he knows it is a bad idea and is keen on how Tara and Queen Gertrude/Lady Macbeth Gemma will react to the news.  As Piney so aptly puts it, this decision is all about Jax reacting to the situation, not solving the problem of SAMCRO.  I think the Prince of Charming realizes it as the episode goes on but is either too proud or too conflicted to share his misgivings with anyone.  Everyone except for Clay gives him the opportunity to get out of the decision:  Piney, Opie, Bobby Elvis, and Juice (Juice nearly broke my heart with that family and hometown take a back row speech.  Even though he still had blood in his stool.  Uh, TMI dude.)  Hell, even Dead Daddy Teller’s Book of Biker Wisdom gives him an out when the disembodied ghost/voice said:

I found myself lost in my own club.  I trusted few.  Feared most.  Nomad offered escape and exile.  I didn’t know if leaving would cure or kill this thing we created.  I didn’t know if it was an act of strength or cowardice.  I didn’t know so I stayed.  I stayed because in the end because the only way I could hold this up was to suffer under the weight of it.

            While Jax is dealing the crazy ATF Bitch at his house who, mark my words will find Kohn’s body eventually, getting Piney into the shower, and getting Chibs out of the hospital, Clay is securing a pipeline for unmarked bullets from his new pal Ferdinand on the reservation.  Clay says "Oh, and BTW, Half-Sack eat this shroom and trip your ball and neuticle off in the Healing Mud Bath in fact maybe a good massage will make the bozack swelling go down some while Opie and I get confused about who Jax’s father is."  I’m no fan of Clay but I’ll give him this:  if SAMCRO is going to stay in the gun trade, this bullet and shroom deal was a savvy business decision, much like the deal he struck with Oswald.  And, OMG Clay isn’t wearing his sunglasses in this episode, or at least not as much as he usually does.  This has to be significant in some way.  I’m just not sure which way. 

            So meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile, Chibs gets out of the hospital whereupon learning that Caracara has been torched and Jax is going Nomad, he pays a visit to our IRA pals and with guns drawn we finally meet Jimmy O.  (Incredibly well played by Titus Welliver.  And he does a good accent too, although too much Dublin and too little Belfast, but that is being nitpicky.)  Jimmy O’Fallon fits in so well with the rest of the Sons of Anarchy villains—Principal Zobelle, ATF Bitch, and Agent Kohn—that it is no surprise that he creeps the fuck out of me.   He excommunicated Chibs from the IRA, took his wife and daughter and only left him with those nasty Joker scars in return.  Not to mention that he is threatening to have sex with Chibs’ daughter if he doesn’t cooperate in setting up a meeting with Clay.  No wonder Chibs is seething with anger and frustration.  Unfortunately that leads him to sell out the IRA to ATF Bitch.  This is not going to end well. 

            Oh hey before I forget!  Opie gets laid!   You know, on the floor because his marriage bed is problematic.  And… um….when did Opie get hot?  Oh right, it was the moment he took of that fucking hat.  Every time I see that hat I think it must smell.  Like sweat and funk and dirty hair.  And now that you’ve read this, you’ll think the same thing too.  You can thank me later—it’s a gift that keeps on giving. 

            I’d be remiss if I left out Tig and his own form of psychotropic healing out on the reservation.   Oh, dearest Tig.  You are tripping balls and saying Mass over the Native American handicrafts, replete with that lip lick/purse that is so fucking creepy/hilarious but is the same thing I do when I have my Dunkin Donuts coffee in the mornings.  And then…  did Tig anthropomorphize a doll…  thinking it was Donna or maybe Opie… and then apologize to it?   

            Now, on to Gemma.  I’m not the first to say it but I’m happy to add my voice to the chorus.  If Katey Sagal doesn’t get an Emmy, there will be blood.  Just. An. Amazing.  Performance.  The look on her face when she sees Clay tell Jax that he wants him to go Nomad was amazing.  I didn’t know you could convey fear, overwhelming sadness, loss, and frustration in one facial expression but darlin’ she did it.   Gemma tells Clay and Jax about the gang rape with Tara’s support, leaving out no detail.  In this moment we see the family come together—the only thing that Gemma believes in come together for her in the end.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.  Gemma is the glue, it isn’t the MC.  (And, I swear, hand to God, that I was crying both times I watched this.  Maybe I’m a sucker or maybe I just primed the pump by watching soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan be reunited with their dogs.)  And we close with Jax taking his patches back.  THANK GOD.  THAT NOMAD SHIT WAS A BAD IDEA.  BTW, WHEN CAN WE SEE YOUR FINE ASS AGAIN?  Gemma healed Clay and Jax for now.  Let’s see how long it lasts. 

Remainders

• Tara is suspended from the hospital thanks to Hospital Admin Bitchface.
• Nooooooooooo, Piney! Nooooooooo!   Don’t do it!
• Sing along if you know the words:  ATF Bitch tells the weasel/smarmy IRA guy that she’ll spread a rumor that he is a rat and see how it plays out.  Paging Opie….
• I'm not believing Gemma's claim that John Teller offed himself.  
• ETA:  @Twisted_Shadow reminded me about Chucky the masturbator.  My theory:  he pulled Darby out of the fire and they are hiding out.  

Let’s roll out this time on the song at the end of the episode:  Mary by Patty Griffin.  It is lovely.  My favorite lyric: "You’re covered in treetops; You’re covered in birds, Who can sing a million songs, without any words."  There are a few versions out there on the interwebs and I’m partial to the version with Emmylou Harris and Shawn Colvin singing back up but this version has better sound quality doesn’t make me nauseated.     

    

Sons of Anarchy 2.09 Fa Guan, Recap

Please stay tuned while kayteadee finishes singing along and clapping her hands to the song at the end of Fa Guan, “Since I Lay My Burden Down”

Glory glory, hallelujah


Since I lay my burden down
…

All my sickness will be over


When I lay my burden down…


All my troubles will be over


When I lay my burden down...
.

Lord, I'm feeling so much better


Since I lay my burden down…


And now we join your recap of Sons of Anarchy, already in progress…. previously on As The Harley Rumbles, Luanne was killed, SAMCRO was unraveling, and Chibs was recuperating in the hospital with the “help” from his estranged wife.  So, this episode was all about laying down the burdens that some of the characters have been carrying around this season:  Opie and the loss of Donna, Jax’s isolation from the club and guilt over Luanne’s death, and Gemma’s rape.  Some burdens are still brewing though, and I’m talking to you, Tig.

            So, under the auspices of putting some not-so-gentle pressure on the judge overseeing the INS case against a Hamas gunrunner, Opie, Jax, Bobby Elvis, and Tig pay a visit to the presiding judge as a favor to Lin’s crew (and now we all know that fa guan means judge in Chinese).  When the boys in SAMCRO discover that their emotional leverage has gone down the tubes along with the judge’s son’s drug problem they are confronted with a bigger task than they realized.  Opie, who is on point, presses ahead using the junkie son as leverage and it is Opie’s undoing—in a completely good way.  Opie has a full on release/breakdown after coming to the realization that not everyone can/will protect their family from the evils that exist in the world.  And that whole exchange is all about Opie—it isn’t about the judge.  It is simultaneously liberating and heartbreaking. And just like great sex, Opie needs a cigarette afterwards.  And we see the burden of Donna’s death and his anger lifted off of his shoulders at the end when he lays one on Lyla while his daughter nearly does a faceplant on the breakfast table.  BTW, can I just say that Lyla is really growing on me?  She doesn’t want to be taken care of, likes Opie and his kids, puts up with that bitchace snob doctor, and seems very sweet you know inspite of being a Prius-driving porn queen with a coke habit but hey, nobody’s perfect.

             While trying to find another avenue to sway the judge, Jax turns to an incredibly distraught Tig (more on Tig in a bit) and dispatches Bobby Elvis to find some leverage to use against the judge.  I can’t decide whether Jax’s burden is the MC, Clay, guilt over Luanne’s death, emoangst over Donna’s death, or the burden of being the anointed son to bring change to SAMCRO.  Maybe it is all of them.  Only Kurt Sutter sitting on top of Mount Outlaw knows for sure.  Here’s the thing though, for all of Hamlet’s Jax’s talk about seeing the big picture, he is so blind with rage that he can’t see the Ima/Darby set up or the fire at Caracara is caused by anyone other than Clay.  This boy is too far into the forrest to see the trees.  For all of Jax’s earnestness about the big picture, he can’t see the one that Zobelle is using to stymy SAMCRO at every turn.  But man, does that boy have a fine, fine ass.  I knew it was going to be a good episode when I saw the nudity warning.   But ultimately Jax lays his complicated mix of burdens when he decides to go Nomad.  Yeah, we’ll see how well that works. 

            And last but certainly not least, Gemma lays the burden of her rape down at the end of the episode with the help of Unser, some good gospel revival music, and a curious homeless woman we have seen before.  Her name?  I shit you not:  It is “Homeless Woman.”  We saw her in the graveyard with Jax—apparently she had given him a blanket and he gave her a hoodie, touching; we saw her begging in Charming when Gemma may have misheard her say “Able will provide for us.”  And this time when she enigmatically while wearing Jax's hoodie said, “Everyone knows me,” to Gemma outside of the church.  Who/what is she?  My theory goes like this…  You know Hamlet is the overarching superstructure for Sons of Anarchy.  Well, my take on Hamlet—in addition to being a classic tragedy— is that it is a fantastic ghost story.  All of the characters are haunted, in one way or another, by King Hamlet’s ambiguous ghost.  Hell, the ghost scares the shit out of Horatio aka Opie, Bernardo, and Marceuls in the opening scene.  Anyways…before this becomes a 10^th grade English class.  I think that the homeless woman is a ghost.  And she is ambiguous.  And she will be ambiguous for the rest of the series.  I think it is a nod to Shaeskpeare. Just my opinion.  And ya’ll know what those are like, right?

            So let’s look at the burden still being carried.  AND I AM LOOKING AT YOU TIG.  My, my, my.  Tig is not handling killing Donna well.  At all.  Clay is cutting him out. Tig seems to want to protect Opie from the abyss. Our poor Tigger lost it when Opie had his meltdown.  Like the dude is weeping uncontrollably in his ski mask and can’t step up.  He is falling apart.   Not exactly the creepy sociopath who fucks livestock and corpses any more, is he?  How does Tig lay his burden down?  I have no earthly clue.  But it will be interesting television that is for sure. 

Remainders

• Chibs who I can’t understand a word that comes out of his mouth and all of my inlaws are Irish (even though Chibs is Scotish) and I deal with thick accents on a regular basis, the estranged wife and the ominous Jimmy O.  I smell the IRA coming and it doesn’t smell like Boby Elvis’ bannana bread baking
• When in the hell is Bobby Elvis going to connect the dots and put the dead wife stuff together?  Come on, man.
• Clay wants to do gun deals with Hamas?  ATF will be the least of his law enforcement problems.
• Will Darby and Chucky survive the fire at Caracara?  Only time will tell...  

And let’s roll out on Furry Lewis playing “Lay my Burden Down.” Why?  Well, because I’m partial to the old school blues and it is a damn good song.

Sons of Anarchy 2.01 Albification Recap

Season two kicks off with a roll call montage of our favorite Danish royalty and their courtiers:  Jax, Clay, Tig, Juice, Chibs, and Half-Sack are at the firing range; Opie’s heading back from a solo ride; Tara’s performing baby surgery; Bobby Elivs is about to get out of jail; Piney is dropping off Opie’s kids at school in a big fat Caddie; Gemma and Able are coming in for a check up; Chief Unser is praying. 

SAMCRO is between a rock and hard place in the gun trade.  The IRA gun rep wants the MC to run guns up the coast.  Um, yeah, this is a problem because this isn’t what SAMCRO does.  But they don’t want to lose their gun connection and the IRA needs money for the cause.  Jax proves a good little negotiator coming up with a short-term fix.  Long-term problems linger – who are they going to deal to?   Clay calls a vote, they all agree and now the SOA are now gunrunners for the cash and Russian stock.  This won’t be fraught with problems down later in the season, I’m sure of it! 

Jax goes to collect Opie, greets disappointed, fat Mary.  SadAngry Opie has an old bike to rebuild so he’ll stay warm at night.  Opie hasn’t seen his kids yet and Jax urges him to do so before they head off to Castle Elsinore.  Horatio Opie says mind your own business, mmmmkay?  At Teller-Morrow, Clay proclaims how everyone loved Donna but we need revenge for Opie’s sake just not revenge for the actual person who pulled the trigger, yes I’m talking about you Tig and Clay.  So rather than address the long-term gun running conundrum, Clay leads SAMCRO into an undeserved revenge scheme on a Mayan.  After church breaks up Jax raises the Donna issue and taunts Clay, with a ‘what are you going to do, pop a cap in me, the Prince of Charming? ‘

Meanwhile at the Charming coffee shop, Deputy Chief Boy Scout Hale meets with his brother, someone who looks like my high school principal, and Henry Rollins.  Brother Hale wants to acquire land for residential development.  HOSHIT, and he wants help from Ethan “the HS Principal” Zobelle who also happens to be the head honcho in the white separatist movement.  Apparently this is different from supremacists but hey, you call it a tom-hay-to and I call it a tom-ahh-to. I can’t see a fucking difference.  Principal Zobelle and his muscle Hank want support from law enforcement to squash SAMCRO.  Deputy Chief Boy Scout is rightly skeeved out, wants nothing to do with it and leaves.  Also at some point in the episode, Henry Rollins talks to Darby about cooking meth in Charming and gives him a little talk about how he hasn’t earned his swastika tattoos and should keep things buttoned up – Darby doesn’t appreciate this bit of foreshadowing.     

(Yes, I realize that this is long but it is the season premier.  There are new characters and new loose ends.  Stick with me)

So Opie, Tig, Chibs, and Jax head out to get their revenge by killing a Mayan that Opie is led to believe is responsible for Donna’s murder.  They track the guy down; an ever-resourceful Tig shoots the guy in the mouth so he’ll stop talking/denying.  Opie wants to go old school medieval on the Mayan’s ass so that he has no doubt but seems okay with just shooting the guy in the head.  Jax disposes of the body by emptying his clip into the poor SOB’s abdomen to cover up the giant A Opie carved post-mortem and duping the body in Mayan territory with nine fingers showing.  Thus, assigning blame to the One-Niners.  Brilliant plan, handsome. 

While all of this is going on Queen Gerturde Gemma takes little Able, or as Jax affectionately refers to his son, the kid, to the hospital to see Dr. Tara for a check up.  The kid is healthy.  Gemma gives Tara shit about sleeping over.   And, I didn’t know this but apparently babies have sleep apnea?  I thought that only happened to middle aged suburban men.  Hmm.  Guess you learn something new every day.  So Gemma sparks a j with Chief Unser outside the hospital with the kid in tow.  The Chief imbibes because his cancer is contained to his bladder and you know, it’s totes ok.

Back at the garage, Bobby is released and is enjoying himself thoroughly (I’ll let you fill in the visuals on that one).  Clay gives the requisite misogynistic stripper pole taunt to Psycho ATF Bitch who returns the quip because really, she is just as much of a misogynist.  SAMCRO knows how to throw a party – except for petulant Jax who doesn’t return the toast to Clay.   Piney tells Opie to man up and that is the end of that.   Principal Zobelle shows up to piss all over Clay’s boots, drop off since fine stogies, and heads back to his white separatist McMansion somewhere in the burbs. 

Jax heads home to greet Ophelia Tara.  She gives him the total disclosure talk, ruining a perfectly good nekkid shower scene.  Jax tells her (part of) the truth.  They spoon.  Love the man, learn to love the club, darlin’

Meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile Gemma gets kidnapped by a woman with very pert blond hair who says her kid is choking on a bottle cap.  A bottle cap?  Anyways.  Gemma wakes up handcuffed to a chain link fence in some dirty industrial building whereupon she gets beaten and gang raped by the white separatists.   (One of which has an upside down peace symbol tattooed at the base of his neck.  See, I told you there would be tattoo foreshadowing).  The scene was horrific.  Katey Sagal deserves an Emmy for this.  I can’t write any more about it because it was just that awful 

WTF Moment:  When Gemma gives Tara big wet kiss on the lips. Like she does Jax.  And Clay. 

Action Moment:  The chase scene when the SOA track dow the Mayan.  Really, it was the only action scene in the whole episode

Get Over Yourself Moment:  Half-Sack interrupting Clay and Gemma. Doing the deed.  Gemma says “Get out or join in, sparky.”  Oh, only in Half-Sacks one-balled wet dreams.  He totally has to get over his MILF obsession with Gemma.

Sons of Anarchy 2.04 Eureka Recap

So we open with Gemma helping Clay inject cortisone into his hands before the charity run.  While not making eye contact with Gemma, Clay talks about how the time away (An overnight trip?  Seriously?) might help Gemma get past whatever this is (SHE WAS GANG RAPED, KING CLUELESS).  Gemma gives a noncommittal ‘Perhaps’ and off goes King Clay.   Meanwhile, over at the Prince of Charming’s house… Jax who is incredibly easy on the eyes, keep up the good work sparky drops the L bomb on Tara, flashes his pearly whites and then…  wait for it…  goes to take care of his own kid.  I can’t tell if Tara is more surprised that it took Jax this many episodes to tell her that he loves her unprompted, the realization that she is Jax’s old lady, or if she is finally relieved from being the night time nanny.

The MC assembles at Teller-Morrow to depart for the charity/gun run.  Angry Opie tells Jax that his kids are just fine, thank you very much and now mind your own fucking business.  Piney stays home to man Castle Elsinore the garage, but per Clay’s instructions should mind the cars and not Gemma.  

And now for the scene of jocular, vulgar, hilarious banter amongst the members of the MC.  I have to hand it to the writers – how they manage an assless chaps joke and Neuticle joke in the same exchange is pure genius.   (And seriously, Neuticle seems to be a brand name of a company that makes testicular implants for pets that have been neutered.  So, I guess poor Half-Sack has that going for him)  Bravo.  It is moments like this that make me love these characters.  So off they go to save the children.  And, btw, thanks Happy.  Nothing says charity like firing off your Gloc before the crew heads out. 

And alas, cue the motorcycle porn as the MC rumbles out of town and hits the highway.   The whole scene is so badass. (Note to the writers: this is a motorcycle show, isn’t it?  Can we see a bit more of the Harley porn, please?).  The SOA picks up their handguns from the IRA guy.  Oh hi, IRA guy, hey, how’s your ass now that Juice’s finger isn’t keeping you from bleeding out? And we’re back to the Harley porn – thank God.  Wait. Not so fast.   Bobby Elivs’ fat boy bites the dust, taking out Tig.  All I can say is, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.  So Tig is rescued from the evils of HMO limbo by bounty hunters.  Apparently Tig got a little too friendly with the cargo on a livestock transport in Oregon.  I just want to know what sort of livestock – cows, pigs, sheep, chickens?       

Back in Charming, Gemma gets the no-face mask of gang rape in the mail and heads to town to fuck up some shit.  Zobelle gives her his menacing evil yet pleasant bitchface and she runs back to the car to wave her pretty gun at a pushy redneck who wants her parking space.  Chief Unser comes to take her gun away and Gemma takes off in pursuit of Henry Rollins (yes, he has a character name but does anyone know what it is, really?  Yeah, you don’t either– exactly what I thought.).  Gemma tracks Henry Rollins down to the cleanest set of port-a-pots ever to grace the planet, gets him in her sights and then loses the nerve to fire because he has a family. Damnit.  At this point, I’m really missing Season 1 Gemma.  Darlin’ you need to get your ass-kicking mojo back. 

So Clay and Jax fight over whether, when, how, and how many guys it will take to rescue Tig.  Jax, a modern day John Adams, implores King Claudius Clay to call the vote.  Ah, but dear Jax, the MC isn’t ruled by democracy, it seems to be ruled by Clay’s brittle, arthritic iron fists until he is humiliated by his weak hands and lays his bike down before he can get off the lot.  Half-Sack comes correct with the intel on Tig’s whereabouts.  Piney rolls up with the flatbed and before Jax and Clay can fight (again), Piney rolls off with Jax, Chibs, Smiley, and Half-Sack to go liberate Tig.  And this scene is why I love Piney – he might ride a trike, but he’s still up for some good outlaw mayhem. 

The SOA rides off to relay the guns (yeah, remember those).  Piney and Tig drive off into the sunset sharing a bottle of Patron with two straws because germs are icky, ya’ll.   At the biker camp, the crew is celebrating.  Except for Jax who is angsting with his knock-off bottle of Jack Daniels.  Here comes yet another Jax/Clay confrontation that ends in Clay threatening to kill Hamlet Jax if he ever brings up the Donna debacle again.  Ah, good family times. 

The WTF moment for Eureka:  Opie.  Seiously.  Opie is now going all bitchface on Jax and telling Clay that he is with him no matter what?  Seriously?   If you only knew the half of it, darlin’.   

Best action moment:  Well, that would be Piney backing the flat bed into the motel, the look on Tig's face as he sees it coming, and then the balls-out rescue scene.     

The get over yourself moment:  Tara asking Chief Unser what he makes of her relationship with Jax.  Seriously?  She needs validation from the corrupt cop?