Season two kicks off with a roll call montage of our favorite Danish royalty and their courtiers: Jax, Clay, Tig, Juice, Chibs, and Half-Sack are at the firing range; Opie’s heading back from a solo ride; Tara’s performing baby surgery; Bobby Elivs is about to get out of jail; Piney is dropping off Opie’s kids at school in a big fat Caddie; Gemma and Able are coming in for a check up; Chief Unser is praying.
SAMCRO is between a rock and hard place in the gun trade. The IRA gun rep wants the MC to run guns up the coast. Um, yeah, this is a problem because this isn’t what SAMCRO does. But they don’t want to lose their gun connection and the IRA needs money for the cause. Jax proves a good little negotiator coming up with a short-term fix. Long-term problems linger – who are they going to deal to? Clay calls a vote, they all agree and now the SOA are now gunrunners for the cash and Russian stock. This won’t be fraught with problems down later in the season, I’m sure of it!
Jax goes to collect Opie, greets disappointed, fat Mary. SadAngry Opie has an old bike to rebuild so he’ll stay warm at night. Opie hasn’t seen his kids yet and Jax urges him to do so before they head off to Castle Elsinore. Horatio Opie says mind your own business, mmmmkay? At Teller-Morrow, Clay proclaims how everyone loved Donna but we need revenge for Opie’s sake just not revenge for the actual person who pulled the trigger, yes I’m talking about you Tig and Clay. So rather than address the long-term gun running conundrum, Clay leads SAMCRO into an undeserved revenge scheme on a Mayan. After church breaks up Jax raises the Donna issue and taunts Clay, with a ‘what are you going to do, pop a cap in me, the Prince of Charming? ‘
Meanwhile at the Charming coffee shop, Deputy Chief Boy Scout Hale meets with his brother, someone who looks like my high school principal, and Henry Rollins. Brother Hale wants to acquire land for residential development. HOSHIT, and he wants help from Ethan “the HS Principal” Zobelle who also happens to be the head honcho in the white separatist movement. Apparently this is different from supremacists but hey, you call it a tom-hay-to and I call it a tom-ahh-to. I can’t see a fucking difference. Principal Zobelle and his muscle Hank want support from law enforcement to squash SAMCRO. Deputy Chief Boy Scout is rightly skeeved out, wants nothing to do with it and leaves. Also at some point in the episode, Henry Rollins talks to Darby about cooking meth in Charming and gives him a little talk about how he hasn’t earned his swastika tattoos and should keep things buttoned up – Darby doesn’t appreciate this bit of foreshadowing.
(Yes, I realize that this is long but it is the season premier. There are new characters and new loose ends. Stick with me)
So Opie, Tig, Chibs, and Jax head out to get their revenge by killing a Mayan that Opie is led to believe is responsible for Donna’s murder. They track the guy down; an ever-resourceful Tig shoots the guy in the mouth so he’ll stop talking/denying. Opie wants to go old school medieval on the Mayan’s ass so that he has no doubt but seems okay with just shooting the guy in the head. Jax disposes of the body by emptying his clip into the poor SOB’s abdomen to cover up the giant A Opie carved post-mortem and duping the body in Mayan territory with nine fingers showing. Thus, assigning blame to the One-Niners. Brilliant plan, handsome.
While all of this is going on Queen Gerturde Gemma takes little Able, or as Jax affectionately refers to his son, the kid, to the hospital to see Dr. Tara for a check up. The kid is healthy. Gemma gives Tara shit about sleeping over. And, I didn’t know this but apparently babies have sleep apnea? I thought that only happened to middle aged suburban men. Hmm. Guess you learn something new every day. So Gemma sparks a j with Chief Unser outside the hospital with the kid in tow. The Chief imbibes because his cancer is contained to his bladder and you know, it’s totes ok.
Back at the garage, Bobby is released and is enjoying himself thoroughly (I’ll let you fill in the visuals on that one). Clay gives the requisite misogynistic stripper pole taunt to Psycho ATF Bitch who returns the quip because really, she is just as much of a misogynist. SAMCRO knows how to throw a party – except for petulant Jax who doesn’t return the toast to Clay. Piney tells Opie to man up and that is the end of that. Principal Zobelle shows up to piss all over Clay’s boots, drop off since fine stogies, and heads back to his white separatist McMansion somewhere in the burbs.
Jax heads home to greet Ophelia Tara. She gives him the total disclosure talk, ruining a perfectly good nekkid shower scene. Jax tells her (part of) the truth. They spoon. Love the man, learn to love the club, darlin’
Meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile Gemma gets kidnapped by a woman with very pert blond hair who says her kid is choking on a bottle cap. A bottle cap? Anyways. Gemma wakes up handcuffed to a chain link fence in some dirty industrial building whereupon she gets beaten and gang raped by the white separatists. (One of which has an upside down peace symbol tattooed at the base of his neck. See, I told you there would be tattoo foreshadowing). The scene was horrific. Katey Sagal deserves an Emmy for this. I can’t write any more about it because it was just that awful
WTF Moment: When Gemma gives Tara big wet kiss on the lips. Like she does Jax. And Clay.
Action Moment: The chase scene when the SOA track dow the Mayan. Really, it was the only action scene in the whole episode
Get Over Yourself Moment: Half-Sack interrupting Clay and Gemma. Doing the deed. Gemma says “Get out or join in, sparky.” Oh, only in Half-Sacks one-balled wet dreams. He totally has to get over his MILF obsession with Gemma.
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