Sons of Anarchy 2.12 The Culling Recap

A quick programming note before the recap:  get your ass on Twitter and follow Kurt Sutter at @sutterink.  If he gets 5213 followers by Friday, he is going to give away some free SOA swag to 10 lucky fans.  

So previously on As the Harley Rumbles, we killed them all.  Wait.  No.  We didn’t because cooler heads prevailed.  Season Two's penultimate installment of Sons of Anarchy, The Culling effectively sets things up for a kill em’ all season finale.  Assuming that Hale doesn’t cock block SAMCRO’s vengeance again.  And HOLY SHIT I have some serious blood lust for Zobelle, Weston, Polly, and Edmund.  WTF is wrong with me?   Anyways, SAMCRO’s diabolical plan to eradicate Principal Zobelle and LOAN frames the major events of the episode:  AJ Weston’s flame out; the IRA gun deal switcheroo; Tara smacking a bitch up; and the tug-of-war between Hale and Unser.

Big kudos to Henry Rollins this week.  He had AJ Weston’s rage down cold.   Upon discovering that Zobelle had been supporting the Mayans and dealing drugs, he kills two civilians and the dorky guy from the League at the heroin packaging plant and then goes to confront Principal Zobelle himself.  His kids are taken away from him and he agrees to a Sharks v Jets rumble with SOA.  Boy, he may prefer to win over being fair but he really had the rug pulled out from under him many times over.  And anyone who can realistically argue that Jax Teller would beat AJ Weston in a fistfight is out of his/her fucking mind.  All of this is to say that we have finally seen the class and race divide play out as Kurt Sutter hinted it would earlier in the season. 

SAMCRO gets the guns it needs from Jimmy O and the IRA thanks to a nice little switcheroo to throw the ATF off their trail.  If that little weasel Edmund wasn’t shitting his pants when he saw those two dead rats in the gun crate he should be.  In this whole IRA morass, Chibs is still seething with hate for Jimmy O.  I don’t think this is going to die on the vine and we’ve already seen that Chibs is willing to go off the reservation to get revenge on his old IRA pal.  How much SAMCRO allows this remains to be seen.   

So Tara and Hospital Bitchface and the Throwdown at St Rednecks.  I’m having trouble putting my finger on this other than to say that What Would Tara Do is the new black.  On the surface this scene is so monumentally satisfying but it kinda makes me feel dirty for liking it so much and watching it 5 times.  Yes, the bitch did deserve to be put in her place.  OMG she called Gemma a BIKER HOAR?  WHAT?  But we have seen Tara want to draw a clear line between her personal and professional lives all season long.  Perhaps it was the “bitches gotta show respect because you’re an old lady healer” series of pep talks from Gemma.  Perhaps it is her tru luv for Jax.  Maybe, as a professional she was tired of being pushed around by a bureaucrat. 

Alan Sepinwal attributes Tara’s violent take on the situation as being akin to the Clay/Gemma way of taking care of business rather than the Jax/John Teller school.  I don’t know if I completely buy that because even Jax can justify violence to avenge Gemma’s rape and would do the same if it had been Tara.   I think that as Tara takes on a more central role as Jax’s old lady in the MC, her view of violence to protect the club and the SAMCRO family has changed from something that was abhorrent to something that is justifiable.   Which sort of works when you consider Kurt Sutter’s recent comments about Tara in at interview with Maureen Ryan suggest that Tara is coming from a place where she is repressing that dark side rather than embracing it. 

The push and pull between Hale and Unser really comes into full view.  Unser jumps in the SAMCRO pool with both feet while sending mixed signals to Hale.  “Do your job.  No wait.  Do as I say.”  Hale really is the touchstone for reality in this episode.  As much as we love SAMCRO, they are anti-heroes.  Hale seems to have a set of values that more closely resembles a real world version of right and wrong.   Even if he does thwart SAMCRO at every turn, depriving me of the vengeance that I am craving, damn it.  Unser's "not in Charming" policy doesn't seem to be working too well but it is of his own making by calling Hale acting Chief.  Hale breaks up the Sharks and Jets rumble by arresting Weston and then spares Zobelle and Polly by throwing them in the clink too.  I'm curious to see what the implications might be for Deputy Boy Scout Hale. Unser has nothing to lose and is living on borrowed time so I think he'll come out just fine in the wash.

Remainders

• Uh.  What the fuck happened to Special Agent Skinner Darby?
• Tig bit some dude’s nose off in the Sharks v Jets showdown. 
• Might we see Half-Sack get patched in soon?
• That kiss between Zobelle and Polly along with the whole “you smell of him…  is someone else’s odor staining your fingers” thing just squicked me out.    
• Is the whole Georgie thing and Luanne's murder just going to go unresolved this season?      

       

New! Improved! Signs you might be a Sons of Anarchy Fan

I promised that I was no Clay in how I run my blog so here is your New!  Improved!  Updated! Signs you might be a Sons of Anarchy Fan.  If you commented anonymously and would like to be credited by name, send me an email (kayteadee at gmail dot com) or tweet me @kayteadee.  

• You start reading Hamlet.  You know, for fun.
  
•  If you weren't a motorcycle person before, you are now to the extent that you can tell a Dyna from a Softail Springer when you see them on the road.
  
• In testy social and/or work situations you wonder to yourself, what would Gemma do?  And for the guys, what would Jax do?  And then you actually do it.  
  
• You can actually understand what Chibs is saying.
  
• You view yourself as a sort of missionary for Sons of Anarchy.  When you discover that a friend and/or family member hasn't seen it, you begin proselytizing the unconverted on the merits of the show.  Bonus points if you tell them all that Katey Sagal will be robbed, just robbed if she doesn't get an Emmy this year.
  
• You label and evaluate people according to personalities of Sons of Anarchy characters.  For example:  "My boss is such a Clay about the monthly financial projections;" or "Honey, we knew when you started dating him that he was a total Juice."
  
• You consider adding Nicholas Nickleby or Green Street Hooligans (thanks for this one from an anonymous comment) to your Netflix queue because Charlie Hunnam is in it.  Either that or The Lady Killers because Ryan Hurst is in that film.
  
•  You buy a manual typewriter to work on your manifesto.
  
• You download all of the music from all of the episodes from iTunes, make a playlist and it is all that you listen to.
  
• You work "darlin'" into regular conversation in addition to "blow back," "big picture," or "how's that gonna play out."  (Thanks to Jake for the "play out suggestion.)
  
• You know how hard it is to get #sonsofanarchy to be a trending topic on Twitter and you still haven't given up hope.
  
• You actually saw someone in real life in a cut and wanted to go talk to him but had to restrain yourself because there is no telling whether he was a Tig or a Jax.
  
• Your plan when Season 2 ends?  Watch seasons one and two straight through (because you totally saved Season 2 on your Tivo).  By then there will be news trickling down from Kurt Sutter sitting on the top of Mount Outlaw about Season 3. Season 2 will be out on dvd soon too so you can bide your time with the special features until next August.
  
• You know that, in a pinch, a skateboard is an effective weapon.
  
• You divide the world into two groups:  those who watch Sons of Anarchy and those who don't.
  

New Additions from Readers

• You refer to an attractive woman as 115 lbs of c**ck-ridin' giggity.  Courtesy of @high_score
  
• You buy tickets to see Elvis impersonators perform live in Reno.  Courtesy of Katie Owen Sasser
  
• You buy Gemma's sunglasses.  Courtesy of @misssuzq
  
• You grow a beard like Opie's.  Courtesy of Seth
  
• You have...  uh...  impure thoughts about Jax.  Courtesy of several anonymous contributors
  
• You contemplate getting your first tattoo.  Courtesy of @moryan.  Bonus if it is a crow or reaper tat, courtesy of Anonymous.  
  
• You start packing heat.  Courtesy of @Twisted_Shadow
  
• You plan to move to Lodi, Stockton or any other location close to fictional Charming.  Courtesy of Anonymous.  
  
• You get blonde streaks in your dark hair like Gemma's.   Courtesy of Anonymous.  
  
• You name your kid or pet after a character on SOA; your first-born will be named Able.   Courtesy of Anonymous.
  
• You drive long hours to meet the cast.  Courtesy of Sons<3 
  
• You get "Free Big Otto" t-shirts printed up and hand them out to all of your friends.  Courtesy of Dante. 

New Additions from Your Favorite Smartass (yeah me!  Kayteadee)

• You know that the Watchers of Anarchy Podcast has a money back guarantee.
  
• You now know what a neuticle is.
  
• You get a white Cockatoo like Gemma’s.
  
• You have watched the Season 1 special features and know that the deleted squeegee scene is equal parts disturbing and hilarious.
  
• You and your friends start your own MC even though the only bikes you have are 10-speeds or mountain bikes.
  
• You consider rocking the bro-hawk like Juice.
  

If you have done between 0-5 of these things:  Uh.  You call yourself a fan of Sons of Anarchy?  I hate to be the one to break this to you but—Not. So. Much. 

If you have done between 5 and 10 of these things:  you are a healthy fan.  Your priorities are in check.  You’re just generally enthusiastic about the show

If you have done between 10 and 15 of these things:  people around you are probably becoming concerned.   Your friends and family are still willing to abide by your “No Talking During Sons of Anarchy” rule because the season is almost over and then they hope you will return to your normal self.

If you have done between 15-20 of these things:  be careful, right now your friends and family are planning an intervention behind your back.   It will probably come right after the Thanksgiving pumpkin pie.

If you have done more than 20 of these:  Kurt Sutter, Charlie Hunnam, Katey Sagal, Ron Perlman, Maggie Siff, and Ryan Hurst all have restraining orders issued against your crazy ass.  

Sons of Anarchy 2.12 The Culling Preview

If you are a spoiler wussie, this is your warning.  I'm going to be talking about the teaser trailer, promo pics, or any other publicly available information. The time to flee is now.  More stuff on the upcoming episode of Sons of Anarchy after the jump.  

Miscellaneous Motorcycle Fun

When I was 10, my parents bought a VCR, hooked it up, and got a shiny new membership to The Video Hut.  Our first rental?  Easy Rider .  I was mesmerized by the landscape, the motorcycles, and the 1960s counter-culture.  It is still one of my Top 10 favorite moves of all time.

This year marks the 40th anniversary of Easy Rider.  Slate has an interesting 6-part story retracing the road trip of Billy and Wyatt that is worth a look-see.  The interactive map with then and now photos is also click worthy.  My only complaint?  The author drives a car.  A PT Cruiser at that.  I know, I know no one is perfect but still.... I'd have expected something with a little more muscle.  Maybe a Mustang if he was going to drive a car at all.

On a lighter note, have you ever wondered what you outlaw biker name would be?  You know, if you're not one already.  Viola:  there is an outlaw biker name generator in the internets.

My name is Bitch, of the Evil Inlaws MC.  A note on to the ladies. Apparently the only female name that comes up is Bitch.  This is a tad instructive.  But anyways, if you play around with the gender you will get a different result.  Regardless, it is a fun little time killer.  Enjoy.

Sons of Anarchy 2.11 Service Recap

Uh…  Greetings new readers!  After the Twitter Incident Of Which We Will Not Speak, I have some newfound performance anxiety so I’m going to imagine that you all are in your underwear like my mom told me to do at my 4^th grade tap recital.  I still fucked up my shuffle-ball-change, bringing a hasty and merciful end to my career as a tap dancer.  So, for all of our sakes, let’s hope this recap at least goes better than that.

So previously on As the Harley Rumbles, Gemma revealed her big secret, Opie took off his stinky hat and got some, Chibs was released from the hospital and reunited with those friendly IRA guys, and Jax didn’t go Nomad.  Service opens up right where we left off with Jax sewing his patches back on (Has anyone ever tried to sew leather?  I have and it is quite difficult).  In my mind, Service was all about our favorite characters hugging it out.  Outlaw bikers = HUGS NOT THUGS.   That may be a bit over the top but not by much.  We saw SAMCRO and associates in service to each other (yes, I know that sounds dirty) and the result was bringing the MC together again. 

At Church, the boys in SAMCRO resist the urge to cut the still beating hearts out of Principal Zobelle and crew in favor of being a bit smarter about serving up revenge.  In this whole exchange we get a glimmer of how the MC should work when Clay and Jax are on the same page and SAMCRO is in once piece.  And it is brilliant.  Under those best-case scenario circumstances, you can totally see why all these guy would pledge themselves to the club.  The tragedy of Sons of Anarchy is that we are given these glimpses of how well the MC can work together but we all know that this harmony isn’t going to last for long.

 While the MC is strong and unified, Gemma is now completely unraveled after revealing that she was raped.  I don’t blame her.  I’d probably be smoking a joint in yesterday’s clothes and having almost-sex with Tig too.  WAIT.  WHAT.  Oh right, because when you put two wounded, unhinged people together that kind of makes sense in a sick/hurt/lonely way.  They stop things before it gets any more cringe-worthy but it causes Gemma and Tig to do some pretty fascinating things to deal with their hurt.  Gemma shares a smoke in a churchyard with a reformed junkie priest contemplating going to a woe-is-me-circle-jerk. 

In a somewhat less reflective but more penitent way, Tig decides it’s time.  Time to tell Opie.  Thank, God because he shot Donna like 12 episodes ago.  When Opie listens to Tig asking questions about the night Donna was killed, we see a wave of realization cross his face and it ain’t a warm happy look.  Tig lets Opie beat the shit out of him who are you and what have you done with my favorite sociopath? And I can’t help thinking that those rings have got to hurt.  Tig puts it all on ATF Bitch and once the fight is broke up, off Opie goes to kill her ass or just scare her.  Meanwhile, all the members of the MC look at Clay with deserved disgust.   

   So Opie and Agent Bitchface.  Is it any surprise that Opie showed her more mercy than she deserved?  Time and time again, we have seen her manipulate people, using the vulnerabilities of their families as leverage.  All of this while using her ATF windbreaker to insulate her from the consequences.  Josef Mengela could have taught this woman something about ethics and she’d be a better human being.  If she were in a gang, she would have been dead, dead, dead a long time ago.  (Btw, this scene was so well performed by Ryan Hurst and Ally Walker.)

Meanwhile, once Opie gets cleaned up, he and Jax hug it out after realizing that they are responsible for Clay’s skewed approach to running the club —and they will be his undoing paging season 3.  Jax gives Opie Dead Daddy Teller’s Burnt Book of Biker Wisdom. And Opie reads it.  Without the hat of dirty scalp stank.  

Somewhere in all of this mix, Tara has diarrhea of the mouth and blurts out:  IGOTSUSPENED—IMSOONOTINTOYOUSCREWINGOTHERGIRLSONTHESIDE—WHEREISTHISGOING—IWANTTOGETMARRIED—ANDIWANTBABIES—BAAAABBIIIEEESSS!   And then Jax and Tara hug it out.  I really have to hand it to the writers on this.  They nailed us ladies.  Or at least some of us.  We get emotionally overwhelmed and it all comes out in one long, gasping, poorly-timed, uncomfortable declaration. 

Oh, and Tara fixes Tig's face while Tig slimily charms her about the scuffle with a brother.  (Welcome back, you creepy fuck.   I’ve missed you.)  While Tig is cleaning himself up, Half-Sack drops trou before Tara can protest, revealing his horrifically infected testicles (mark my words, if SOA was HBO we would have seen it).  Holy Mary, Mother of Ball.  I guess it was all that bacteria in the Healing Mud Bath that made it coarm.  Something tells me that Sack will be Half-Sack yet again. Let’s just hope he doesn’t become No-Sack. 

We wrap up with Chibs doing the right thing and coming clean about his deal-gone-wrong with ATF Bitch.  I watched the scene with Gemma and Chibs like 5 times.  It was just that good.  Under Opie’s withering glare, Clay absolves Chibs and resolves that SAMCRO will protect him and his family.  Opie is going to stick around because even though the club killed his wife but really wanted to kill him wtf is this not even going to be addressed he is going to make sure they make it right starting with Chibs and Piney.

 

Remainders

• Um.  Where are Chucky and Darby?  I mean, I think that Zobelle and crew know why they haven’t seen Darby but none of the Sons have asked about Chucky.
• Amazed and shocked that Clay recognizes that he can't deliver retaliation without Jax.
  
• I’m not quite ready yet to declare Piney out of the suicide woods.  I wonder if that whole shoot-em-up was really more of an attempt at a suicide by cop biker.  
• I didn’t even get to Unser turning Hale into Acting Chief or Principal Zobelle’s master plan.

Note on the Tig photo above.  I got it from ONTD but I can't figure out how to give the right person credit for it.  If someone knows, or could put me in touch with the ONTD/SAMCRO people I would very much like to provide attribution.

Signs You Might Be A Sons of Anarchy Fan

Heads Up Ya’ll.  The new updated Signs You Might Be a Sons of Anarchy Fan list is over here.  It has lots of suggestions from readers, plus a few new additions from this smartass.  Updated on 11/24/2009.

Hey Fans of Anarchy, here is a little list of signs that you might be a fan of Sons of Anarchy.  I'm no Clay in how I run this blog, so feel free to email me (address to your left) or tweet me @kayteadee if you have any other additions.  I'll make sure to provide credit where credit is due.

1. You start reading Hamlet.  You know, for fun.
   
2. If you weren't a motorcycle person before, you are now to the extent that you can tell a Dyna from a Softail Springer when you see them on the road.
   
3. In testy social and/or work situations you wonder to yourself, what would Gemma do?  And for the guys, what would Jax do?  And then you actually do it.    
4. You can actually understand what Chibs is saying.  
5. You view yourself as a sort of missionary for Sons of Anarchy.  When you discover that a friend and/or family member hasn't seen it, you begin proselytizing the unconverted on the merits of the show.  Bonus points if you tell them all that Katey Sagal will be robbed, just robbed if she doesn't get an Emmy this year.  
6. You label and evaluate people according to personalities of Sons of Anarchy characters.  For example:  "My boss is such a Clay about the monthly financial projections;" or "Honey, we knew when you started dating him that he was a total Juice."  
7. You consider adding Nicholas Nickleby to your Netflix queue because Charlie Hunnam is in it.  Either that or The Lady Killers because Ryan Hurst is in that film.  
8. You buy a manual typewriter to work on your manifesto.
9. You download all of the music from all of the episodes from iTunes, make a playlist and it is all that you listen to.  
10. You work "darlin'" into regular conversation in addition to "blow back" and "big picture."
11. You know how hard it is to get #sonsofanarchy to be a trending topic on Twitter and you still haven't given up hope. 
12. You actually saw someone in real life in a cut and wanted to go talk to him but had to restrain yourself because there is no telling whether he was a Tig or a Jax.
    
13. Your plan when Season 2 ends?  Watch seasons one and two straight through (because you totally saved Season 2 on your Tivo).  By then there will be news trickling down from Kurt Sutter sitting on the top of Mount Outlaw about Season 3. Season 2 will be out on dvd soon too so you can bide your time with the special features until next August.  
14. You know that, in a pinch, a skateboard is an effective weapon.  
15. You divide the world into two groups:  those who watch Sons of Anarchy and those who don't.  

Sons of Anarchy 2.11 Service Preview

ETA:  There are some publicly available spoilers herein so if you don't like to watch the teaser trailer before the episode (or read the synopsis, or look at the promo pics), best to avert your eyes.  
OMG all three of my loyal readers Ya'll!  There are only 3 episodes of Sons of Anarchy left.  I can sense the pre-withdraw symptoms creeping in: the excitement for a new episode but the sadness once it is over, realizing that there is a huge gulf of time until next August. Anyways, enough of my emofangirl angst.  Here is this week's preview round up for Episode 11, Service where, apparently, we'll kill them all.  Yay!  Fun times!  

The official synopsis from FX actually is actually interesting/insighful this week:

Chibs makes a secret deal with Agent Stahl in order to protect his wife and daughter. Deep in emotional turmoil, Opie seeks both revenge and reconciliation.        

Opie is seeking revenge and reconciliation?  Like maybe for Donna's murder?  Is it possible?   Or am I just being greedy? 

If the circumstances of Donna’s murder do come out in this episode, my theory of how it happens goes like this:  Tig, after saying Mass on the reservation and apologizing to Native American handicrafts, realizes that he has to tell Opie what happened; Tig tells Opie but since Opie is so committed to SAMCRO, he comes to think that the MC and it’s flawed underpinnings are the problem, not Clay and his shitty leadership.  Which leads us to the teaser trailer where, among other things we see someone beating the shit out of Tig and Opie reading Dead Daddy Teller’s Book of Biker wisdom.

Also, promo pictures tell us absolutely nothing.  Well, I guess we couldn’t have asked for a good synopsis and good promos.  They are here.  In lieu of the promos, Half-Sack would like to remind you that the Healing Mud Bath is cool and warm at the same time.  It’s coarm.  Coooaaarm.  Coooooaaaaarmmmmm.   

   

Sons of Anarchy 2.10 Balm Recap

(Note to self for future reference:  DO NOT, under any circumstances watch Glee before writing a recap ever again.  It makes you too fucking happy to snark).        

Previously on As the Harley Rumbles , our favorite residents of Charming were laying down their burdens—whether it was a gang rape, an ongoing MC power struggle, or remorse/guilt over the death of an old lady.  With those burdens set aside, Balm begins a healing for SAMCRO:  for Gemma, for Clay and Jax, for Opie, for Half-Sack, and perhaps for Tig.  Chibs—not so much.   And can I just say, how much I love Sons of Anarchy?  Every episode is fantastic because none of them fell like a throwaway.   Unlike another show I fangirl watch on HBO where there seem to be one or two throwaways per season.  Anyways….

So we open with Jax deciding to go nomad and telling no one aside from the members of the MC.  I suspect he knows it is a bad idea and is keen on how Tara and Queen Gertrude/Lady Macbeth Gemma will react to the news.  As Piney so aptly puts it, this decision is all about Jax reacting to the situation, not solving the problem of SAMCRO.  I think the Prince of Charming realizes it as the episode goes on but is either too proud or too conflicted to share his misgivings with anyone.  Everyone except for Clay gives him the opportunity to get out of the decision:  Piney, Opie, Bobby Elvis, and Juice (Juice nearly broke my heart with that family and hometown take a back row speech.  Even though he still had blood in his stool.  Uh, TMI dude.)  Hell, even Dead Daddy Teller’s Book of Biker Wisdom gives him an out when the disembodied ghost/voice said:

I found myself lost in my own club.  I trusted few.  Feared most.  Nomad offered escape and exile.  I didn’t know if leaving would cure or kill this thing we created.  I didn’t know if it was an act of strength or cowardice.  I didn’t know so I stayed.  I stayed because in the end because the only way I could hold this up was to suffer under the weight of it.

            While Jax is dealing the crazy ATF Bitch at his house who, mark my words will find Kohn’s body eventually, getting Piney into the shower, and getting Chibs out of the hospital, Clay is securing a pipeline for unmarked bullets from his new pal Ferdinand on the reservation.  Clay says "Oh, and BTW, Half-Sack eat this shroom and trip your ball and neuticle off in the Healing Mud Bath in fact maybe a good massage will make the bozack swelling go down some while Opie and I get confused about who Jax’s father is."  I’m no fan of Clay but I’ll give him this:  if SAMCRO is going to stay in the gun trade, this bullet and shroom deal was a savvy business decision, much like the deal he struck with Oswald.  And, OMG Clay isn’t wearing his sunglasses in this episode, or at least not as much as he usually does.  This has to be significant in some way.  I’m just not sure which way. 

            So meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile, Chibs gets out of the hospital whereupon learning that Caracara has been torched and Jax is going Nomad, he pays a visit to our IRA pals and with guns drawn we finally meet Jimmy O.  (Incredibly well played by Titus Welliver.  And he does a good accent too, although too much Dublin and too little Belfast, but that is being nitpicky.)  Jimmy O’Fallon fits in so well with the rest of the Sons of Anarchy villains—Principal Zobelle, ATF Bitch, and Agent Kohn—that it is no surprise that he creeps the fuck out of me.   He excommunicated Chibs from the IRA, took his wife and daughter and only left him with those nasty Joker scars in return.  Not to mention that he is threatening to have sex with Chibs’ daughter if he doesn’t cooperate in setting up a meeting with Clay.  No wonder Chibs is seething with anger and frustration.  Unfortunately that leads him to sell out the IRA to ATF Bitch.  This is not going to end well. 

            Oh hey before I forget!  Opie gets laid!   You know, on the floor because his marriage bed is problematic.  And… um….when did Opie get hot?  Oh right, it was the moment he took of that fucking hat.  Every time I see that hat I think it must smell.  Like sweat and funk and dirty hair.  And now that you’ve read this, you’ll think the same thing too.  You can thank me later—it’s a gift that keeps on giving. 

            I’d be remiss if I left out Tig and his own form of psychotropic healing out on the reservation.   Oh, dearest Tig.  You are tripping balls and saying Mass over the Native American handicrafts, replete with that lip lick/purse that is so fucking creepy/hilarious but is the same thing I do when I have my Dunkin Donuts coffee in the mornings.  And then…  did Tig anthropomorphize a doll…  thinking it was Donna or maybe Opie… and then apologize to it?   

            Now, on to Gemma.  I’m not the first to say it but I’m happy to add my voice to the chorus.  If Katey Sagal doesn’t get an Emmy, there will be blood.  Just. An. Amazing.  Performance.  The look on her face when she sees Clay tell Jax that he wants him to go Nomad was amazing.  I didn’t know you could convey fear, overwhelming sadness, loss, and frustration in one facial expression but darlin’ she did it.   Gemma tells Clay and Jax about the gang rape with Tara’s support, leaving out no detail.  In this moment we see the family come together—the only thing that Gemma believes in come together for her in the end.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.  Gemma is the glue, it isn’t the MC.  (And, I swear, hand to God, that I was crying both times I watched this.  Maybe I’m a sucker or maybe I just primed the pump by watching soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan be reunited with their dogs.)  And we close with Jax taking his patches back.  THANK GOD.  THAT NOMAD SHIT WAS A BAD IDEA.  BTW, WHEN CAN WE SEE YOUR FINE ASS AGAIN?  Gemma healed Clay and Jax for now.  Let’s see how long it lasts. 

Remainders

• Tara is suspended from the hospital thanks to Hospital Admin Bitchface.
• Nooooooooooo, Piney! Nooooooooo!   Don’t do it!
• Sing along if you know the words:  ATF Bitch tells the weasel/smarmy IRA guy that she’ll spread a rumor that he is a rat and see how it plays out.  Paging Opie….
• I'm not believing Gemma's claim that John Teller offed himself.  
• ETA:  @Twisted_Shadow reminded me about Chucky the masturbator.  My theory:  he pulled Darby out of the fire and they are hiding out.  

Let’s roll out this time on the song at the end of the episode:  Mary by Patty Griffin.  It is lovely.  My favorite lyric: "You’re covered in treetops; You’re covered in birds, Who can sing a million songs, without any words."  There are a few versions out there on the interwebs and I’m partial to the version with Emmylou Harris and Shawn Colvin singing back up but this version has better sound quality doesn’t make me nauseated.     

    

Desperately Seeking Gemma's Sunglasses

While I'm working on the recap for Balm because it is taking me longer than I thought and damn it I'm buried in RL work, here's a little bit to tide us over.  I've been saving this item (among others) for a special SAMCRO holiday wish list blog but I figured there is no time like the present.  As I've mentioned before I want Gemma's sunglasses.  In fact, I covet them.  The rectangular shape, the metal frames, the gradient lenses.  Want.  Want. Want.  And behold after a rainy Saturday spent online window shopping, here they are in all their glory (right).  These are by Oliver Peoples, called the Elise sunglasses.  Available at Shop Bop and Neiman Marcus.


If the $350 price tag makes you pause  (As I'm sure Mr. Kayteadee will when he gets my Christmas shopping list this year.  Whether I get them or not, entirely depends on whether I've been naughty or nice this year.   Or both) there are some options that will get you a similar look for less cash. There is a great pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses (left) at Nordstrom for $98

And, last but not least a pair of Gucci sunglasses (right) at Neiman Marcus for $295


I think any three of these would make you or your lady feel a little more badass cruising around town.  Open heart surgery scar optional.

Sons of Anarchy 2.10 Balm, Preview

Ready for this week’s installment of Sons of Anarchy?  Yep?  Me too.  But HOSHIT this episode is 90 minutes long, which means we should have high expectations and that I better flex my typing fingers and hope I don’t get carpal tunnel doing the recap.   One quick programming note:  I’m going to discuss some of the spoilers that have been out there in the interwebs.  I’ll do it after the photos so if you aren’t into the spoiler thing, you’ve been warned.  If you stick around, there will be a prize for you at the end.  I promise.

Okay, this week’s episode is entitled Balm, meaning “a soothing restorative agent.”  Either that or it means sap from a pine tree.   So I’m going with the restorative stuff unless SAMCRO is going to make inroads in the turpentine business. This week’s official synopsis from FX is very, very oblique and incongruous with what we see in the trailer informative:  

Agent Stahl (Ally Walker) takes notice at the handsome profits SAMCRO is reaping from the repo business. Meanwhile, the Jax- Clay standoff forces Gemma to make a difficult decision.

Now, on to the teaser trailer in which we see Piney telling Jax that Dead Daddy Teller saw this coming and that if he gives up they are all going to die bloody like they all do in Hamlet, Agent Stahl listening in to a wire while Tara is questioning Jax about leaving SAMCRO, Chibs kicking ass in the IRA-run Army Navy Supply Store of Nefarious Gunrunning, a glipse of Jimmy O, Tig looking crazy out in the desert, Gemma telling Jax that she thinks Dead Daddy Teller’s death was an accident (OMFG ARE WE ACTUALLY GOING TO GET SOME CLUES ABOUT THIS!?!!?!), and Clay telling Jax that he wants him gone (duh).

And, last but not least, the photos from Balm that don’t really tell us much.  Unless you count what appears to Opie getting his kids on/off the school bus.

SlideshowSons of Anarchy: Episode 2.10 "Balm" Photos

Are you still here?  Ready for the spoilers?  Here goes:

• The truth about Gemma’s gang rape is going to come out in Balm.
• More problems might be brewing for Tara at St Rednecks.
• Jimmy O plays a big role in the next few episodes
• Chibs and Fiona get caught in between SAMCRO, the IRA, and the ATF
• Yet more trouble at Caracara. 

Sources for this can be found here and here.  And I swear, hand to God, that I read this somewhere but for the life of me can’t find the link.  Tig trips on shrooms out in the desert, loses it, and lets the cat out of the bag about Donna.  I’ll keep looking to the link and update when I find it.  

Your prize for sticking around to the end?  A Sons of Anarchy drinking game.  Enjoy!

That’s it.  I’m going nomad.  kayteadee