New! Improved! Signs you might be a Sons of Anarchy Fan

I promised that I was no Clay in how I run my blog so here is your New!  Improved!  Updated! Signs you might be a Sons of Anarchy Fan.  If you commented anonymously and would like to be credited by name, send me an email (kayteadee at gmail dot com) or tweet me @kayteadee.  

• You start reading Hamlet.  You know, for fun.
  
•  If you weren't a motorcycle person before, you are now to the extent that you can tell a Dyna from a Softail Springer when you see them on the road.
  
• In testy social and/or work situations you wonder to yourself, what would Gemma do?  And for the guys, what would Jax do?  And then you actually do it.  
  
• You can actually understand what Chibs is saying.
  
• You view yourself as a sort of missionary for Sons of Anarchy.  When you discover that a friend and/or family member hasn't seen it, you begin proselytizing the unconverted on the merits of the show.  Bonus points if you tell them all that Katey Sagal will be robbed, just robbed if she doesn't get an Emmy this year.
  
• You label and evaluate people according to personalities of Sons of Anarchy characters.  For example:  "My boss is such a Clay about the monthly financial projections;" or "Honey, we knew when you started dating him that he was a total Juice."
  
• You consider adding Nicholas Nickleby or Green Street Hooligans (thanks for this one from an anonymous comment) to your Netflix queue because Charlie Hunnam is in it.  Either that or The Lady Killers because Ryan Hurst is in that film.
  
•  You buy a manual typewriter to work on your manifesto.
  
• You download all of the music from all of the episodes from iTunes, make a playlist and it is all that you listen to.
  
• You work "darlin'" into regular conversation in addition to "blow back," "big picture," or "how's that gonna play out."  (Thanks to Jake for the "play out suggestion.)
  
• You know how hard it is to get #sonsofanarchy to be a trending topic on Twitter and you still haven't given up hope.
  
• You actually saw someone in real life in a cut and wanted to go talk to him but had to restrain yourself because there is no telling whether he was a Tig or a Jax.
  
• Your plan when Season 2 ends?  Watch seasons one and two straight through (because you totally saved Season 2 on your Tivo).  By then there will be news trickling down from Kurt Sutter sitting on the top of Mount Outlaw about Season 3. Season 2 will be out on dvd soon too so you can bide your time with the special features until next August.
  
• You know that, in a pinch, a skateboard is an effective weapon.
  
• You divide the world into two groups:  those who watch Sons of Anarchy and those who don't.
  

New Additions from Readers

• You refer to an attractive woman as 115 lbs of c**ck-ridin' giggity.  Courtesy of @high_score
  
• You buy tickets to see Elvis impersonators perform live in Reno.  Courtesy of Katie Owen Sasser
  
• You buy Gemma's sunglasses.  Courtesy of @misssuzq
  
• You grow a beard like Opie's.  Courtesy of Seth
  
• You have...  uh...  impure thoughts about Jax.  Courtesy of several anonymous contributors
  
• You contemplate getting your first tattoo.  Courtesy of @moryan.  Bonus if it is a crow or reaper tat, courtesy of Anonymous.  
  
• You start packing heat.  Courtesy of @Twisted_Shadow
  
• You plan to move to Lodi, Stockton or any other location close to fictional Charming.  Courtesy of Anonymous.  
  
• You get blonde streaks in your dark hair like Gemma's.   Courtesy of Anonymous.  
  
• You name your kid or pet after a character on SOA; your first-born will be named Able.   Courtesy of Anonymous.
  
• You drive long hours to meet the cast.  Courtesy of Sons<3 
  
• You get "Free Big Otto" t-shirts printed up and hand them out to all of your friends.  Courtesy of Dante. 

New Additions from Your Favorite Smartass (yeah me!  Kayteadee)

• You know that the Watchers of Anarchy Podcast has a money back guarantee.
  
• You now know what a neuticle is.
  
• You get a white Cockatoo like Gemma’s.
  
• You have watched the Season 1 special features and know that the deleted squeegee scene is equal parts disturbing and hilarious.
  
• You and your friends start your own MC even though the only bikes you have are 10-speeds or mountain bikes.
  
• You consider rocking the bro-hawk like Juice.
  

If you have done between 0-5 of these things:  Uh.  You call yourself a fan of Sons of Anarchy?  I hate to be the one to break this to you but—Not. So. Much. 

If you have done between 5 and 10 of these things:  you are a healthy fan.  Your priorities are in check.  You’re just generally enthusiastic about the show

If you have done between 10 and 15 of these things:  people around you are probably becoming concerned.   Your friends and family are still willing to abide by your “No Talking During Sons of Anarchy” rule because the season is almost over and then they hope you will return to your normal self.

If you have done between 15-20 of these things:  be careful, right now your friends and family are planning an intervention behind your back.   It will probably come right after the Thanksgiving pumpkin pie.

If you have done more than 20 of these:  Kurt Sutter, Charlie Hunnam, Katey Sagal, Ron Perlman, Maggie Siff, and Ryan Hurst all have restraining orders issued against your crazy ass.